Let me try to catch up with a backlog of stuff-I-haven't-posted-about-yet.

My brother put in his two week's notice on Monday at his decent-paying but soul-sucking job. He is not sure exactly what he will do at the end of the month, but honestly this gives me hope... I have a job like that, too.

In fact, I am leaving my job and moving to Seattle at the end of the year. At least that's the plan. Every day I feel more and more that I cannot stay here and be happy both at the same time. Also, I love Seattle. I feel called to go there, the same way I felt called to go to New England and then here, to San Francisco. As an aside, I stayed in both of those places for pretty close to five years - assuming I move in December.

In other news, I am taking things too seriously. This has always been a problem I've had. A lot of it has been somewhat uncharted and uncoordinated self discovery. I will post more about that on a more selective filter. I guess the short version is I have woogy overload. I have mundane-life overload too, vis-a-vis the above mentioned job. I kind of want to crawl under a nice, cozy rock for a while.

I am going to re-do my LJ filters too, and maybe start posting more of the woogy stuff in an attempt to calm down my mind.

Turns out the whole modem, not just the power supply, was shot. I waited until yesterday for the power supply to arrive before I figured this out... and then went to Best Buy and bought a new modem.

Short version is I have internets again. Yay!

1. Scientific progress.
2. My internets.

Specifically, my router's power supply. No Internet for me until the replacement comes Tuesday, except for little tiny Internet on my iPhone. Which is how I am posting this, by the way.

So if you don't see as much of me online, that's why.

Ok, so. Everybody. For (insert deity or carnal act here)'s sake, please do not be making any important decisions regarding relationships for the remainder of the week. This includes personal, romantic, or any other kind.

This is a good week for things falling apart. I'm just saying.

That is all. Thank you.

I will try to summarize this trip as best as I can.

Leaving: xylaix and I left about 10pm on Friday night, in a rental car. Arrived in Portland about 11am Saturday.

Portland: The hotel was in a barren wasteland in terms of food. Carl's Jr, Jung's Chinese, and a Starbucks. We drove 10 miles for breakfast one morning, and just ate at the hotel restaurant the second morning. Portland seemed groovy. I felt like I was overdressed as soon as I crossed the Oregon border, but it was a good place to visit.

Wedding: Traditional Easter Orthodox wedding. Officiated by a bishop who I had met once before, and who likes Rocky Horror Picture Show. This was the same bishop from the "a priest, a vampire, and a bishop walk into a diner" story. Eastern Orthodox weddings involve lots of singing, incense, and no exchange of vows. But there are crowns involved.

Reception: Excellent food at a small-ish resort in the woods or Oregon. Line dancing happened at one point. I thought someone had given them 100 tiny jars of homemade jam as a wedding present, but it turns out they were made by the groom's mother for the guests to take home. I had planned to stay in a cabin overnight, but my friends (the only people other than the bride and groom who I knew) changed their minds about that, so I went back to the hotel with them. Left Portland about 11 am Monday morning.

Arriving in Seattle: I had booked a room at the Baroness, a supposedly old historic Seattle hotel. The only problem? Our room was not in the Baroness. It was across the way, at the Virginia Mason Inn. Which is in a hospital. No, for real. If you went down to the hotel basement, you were in the Emergency Room. Staying there, I got the "patient discount" on parking rates. That would have been ok, except the rooms kind of lacked the amenities we were expecting. It was clean, and decent, but sort of like staying in your grandma's spare guestroom. I had to ring the front desk to bring up bath towels and a hairdryer. The real killer tho, was spotty internet. It was free, but it didn't really work.
So we only stayed there two nights, then went to the Pan Pacific Hotel, which totally rocks.

Side note: The roads in Seattle make NO SENSE. This is exacerbated by the fact that about half the city was under construction when I was there. On the plus side, Seattle drivers are more polite than any other city I've ever driven in.

Meeting friends: xylaix and I went to visit buruna_enu and t_bellwether at their house, which was really very pleasant. They are both lovely and interesting people, and adept in the fine art of hospitality. t_bellwether is an amazing cook, as well. So we ended up spending quite a bit of time with them, and in the end xylaix even stayed with them when I left.

Meeting other friends: I was also glad I got to spend time with twilight2000 . Wednesday (I think it was) the three of us went out for sushi on Broadway st, at a little place called Hana. It looks like a hole in the wall, but has some excellent sushi for a reasonable price. I was impressed right off the bat, because they have my favorite sake... Mu (english translation: nothingness).

9: Thursday I met up with kantrip to go see 9. Along the way I ended up trapped in a Teavana store, and could not escape until I bought some Samurai Chai Matte. 9 was both very cool and very disappointing. Outstanding, visually. However, they forgot the second half of the plot. The plot elements they did work in, or hint at and then ignore, probably would have been really cool.

Club: So after we connected with xylaix again and had a relaxed dinner at Wann's (more sushi, sake, and Japanese food), we headed to club Re-Bar for an industrial night called Mecha-something (as required by the industrial club code of law). buruna_enu and t_bellwether met up with us there. Now, at the risk of too mush "woo" I must mention that two of the people I am at this club with produce very tasty energy, and are not adverse to a psy vamp siphoning off some of the excess. Naturally I end up right between these two people. And then, for some yet-undetermined reason, the bartender brings out a round of vodka shots. This throws off my alcohol pacing for the night. Point being, flooded with more vodka and energy than I've had access to in a while, and on top of everything else, I was gone. I mean the kind of no-self, ego-less mental void that ascetic monks always talk about. It was one of the best nights out I've had in a while. The rest of that night was very pleasant, also, and I slept very well.

Leaving: Sadly, Friday I had to leave. We had crashed the night at our friend's place, so xylaix and I had to head back to the hotel to get our stuff and check out. By this time, xylaix had decided she was not, in fact, going back to California with me. SO I spent a few hours helping her get settled in, moving some furniture around, an generally just hanging out. Left around 8pm, met twilight2000 one last time for dinner at a greek place (which was special because it served flaming cheese), and then I was on the road.

Drive back: Let's just skip this part. It was not fun. Suffice to say I made it home alive, and with all my stuff, and if I never have to drive again it will be too soon.

Overall it was a wonderful trip and one I hope I am able to do again soon (except without the driving).

I had a dream last night. This is one I would call a "heavy" dream as opposed to most of mine; in that it somehow felt more 'real'.

I moved between three 'worlds' in this dream. There was the mundane world, which was just a bedroom and a closet. It has white walls, and did not look like my bedroom, but I was staying there. Then there was another world I will call the Norse world, because the climate and landscape and the people I met all struck me as very Skandinavian. Third was the Dream world, which was connected to the Norse world. I call it that because when I was there it felt like I was dreaming (yes, even though it was all within the same dream). However, it was also real. I have the impression the people in the Norse world could move back and forth between the Dream world, and were concerned with what happened in either place.

I started out in the mundane world in this bedroom I do not recognize. Somehow, something happens and I am called/pulled in to the Norse world. The air is cool and clear, reminds me a bit of Alaska in the mid spring or autumn. I meet a warrior captian (he had a number of men under him), who I start thinking of as a viking. He has an eye patch, close cut blond hair and trimed beard. He wears a cape of black cloth and black gloves. His outfit is has crimson accents but I don't remeber much else. He is leaning on something, an axe or sword or staff. He is young and attractive, and I am immediately friendly towards him.

He tells me of an upcoming war; that his army will be attacking the black tower that for a long time has threatened their land. He takes me into the Dream world, which is flat and darker and less solid. In the distance, almost on the horizon, a huge black tower looms. I am amazed at the sheer size of it and wonder who made it and how many people it could hold inside. It looked like a village or city was around the base of the tower, but almost invisible from this distance. I felt like attacking such a thing must be a last-ditch effort, and wondered how it could ever be assailed.

Then I saw a goddess of destruction, who I will call Kali (that's the name I thought of when I saw her). She had the upper body of a beutiful woman, and the lower body of a snake. Her skin was dark, a greyish blue or purple. Her scales were shiny and black, and greyish-blue on her underbelly. She had two arms, and carried nothing, but always held her arms out to the sides. Her glossy black hair was up in an ornate bun held in place with two sticks, before casscading down her back. The only thing she wore was a bikini top that looked like it was made of the same black snake scales.

Kali tells me that the tower and everything in the Dream world will be destroyed. She does not want to destroy me, so I should not be anywhere around her when it happens. When she is in that mode, she cannot pick and choose.

The warrior captain and I are then back in the Norse world. Then somehow something happens.. there are other people I interact with, but do not remember... and somehow I end up back in the mundane world. That is clearly not where I want to be, but luckily I am able to jump through the closet to go back. I end up in the Dream world right when the war is going on.

This world is much darker now, not like nighttime, but as if the air itself were darker. It feels like a dream that is about to end, and you don't know if you will wake up or end along with it. On the horizon I see the black tower - and Kali. Even though I know she can be any size she needs to be, I am momentarily awed by how big she is. She is easily three times the height of the black tower, looming on the horizon, blocking out almost everything else. She slithers forward, crushing the tower and the surrounding city under her scales. I hear sounds of battle from the distance, and am sad because I thought the warrior captain was lost. I hear his men attacking Kali, even though they knew they could not harm her. She keeps moving forward, and they are simply crushed to nothing beneath her. She is coming slowly towards me now, and I know it is time to leave. I cannot remember if someone grabs me and helps pull me out, or if I manage to do it by myself - either way, I move backward and up, out of Dreamspace, back into the Norse world. The air is still cool and clear, but dusk is settling. There is no trace of Kali or the tower or the war.

The warrior captain is there, and I am releived to see him. I guess he saw Kali, too, and listened to her advice. Even though it was honorable for him to die in battle, he also understood there was nothing noble in simply throwing your life away. He was melancholy over the loss of his men (who apparently had gone to battle without him), and even over the loss of the tower. I suppose he felt robbed of glory, or something. Personally I was happy the threat to his world was gone.

I think the reason Kali destroyed the black tower had something to do with what was going on there... it held a lot of people, but the way things were or the rules that had been written had made spiritual growth almost impossible. It was something along the lines of people there were coming back (reincarnating) into the same roles over and over, but there was never any chance to learn from the experiences... so it was destroyed.

I woke up with a feeling in my solar plexus area like something had been destroyed.. not in a bad way, but just that there was more emptiness, more space.

Here I am in Portland, Orgeon. Staying in part of town that is about as desolate for food options as anywhere I've been in the last two years. Had to drive 10 miles yesterday to get a decent breakfast. At least there is a Starbucks not too far away (still have to drive there).

The trip up was long, but mostly uneventful.  xylaixand I were actually happy to find a Wal-Mart, because it was open at 1am and allowed us to get the cable needed to play iPod in the car (otherwsie it would have been the same two CDs for a 12 hour trip). We stopped in South Weed, California. We stopped in Rogue River, Oregon, for gas and coffee - just after sunrise - where I saw a building that said "Morningstar Press". I found these things amusing after driving all night.

The wedding is tonight. My original plans of staying over tonight in a cabin after the reception do not seem to be playing out. My friends who would have been staying in a cabin with me bailed, and I don't much feel like staying by myself with a bunch of people I don't know.

All the same, I am really looking forward to the wedding. Then off to Seattle tomorrow.

There is no fortune; there is only Zuul.

Being a casual reader of Penny Arcade, I am sometimes struck by the depth of topics they will cover when not focused specifically on gaming. It was through this avenue I become aware of the "Think B4 You Speak Campaign". Behold the Face of Sad. What is wrong with this campaign, you may ask? Nothing, other than the fact that it just ain't gonna work. Anyone who would pay attention to this probably isn't using slurs anyway. Anyone who should pay attention to it is only going to respond with savage mockery. For a more robust analysis, read these guys.

As Tycho and Gabe so aptly illustrate, it pays to know thine enemy.

Dinner at Daffodil last night was fun. More for the company than for the food, however.

I arrived a bit early and decided to have a drink at read until my friends arrived. Upon mentioning my desire for a drink to the bartender, I might have expected to be handed a drink menu - or at the very least told about signature drinks the place might have (it turns out they did have a few). Instead, I was just sort of blankly stared at until I came up with something to order. I suspect it was a fairly inexperienced bartender. Maybe that makes sense for a Tuesday night, but I have had better drink-ordering experiences any night of the week at other places. No complaints about the drink itself.

When my friends arrived and we were seated, things were looking good. After placing our orders, however, it ended up being quite some time before the appetizer or my friend's drink (he ordered a cucumber gimlet) appeared. The waiter was nice enough to come and tell us they had only one chef, and he was also responsible for the hotel's room service. That explains the delay on calamari, but what about the drink? Eventually they both arrived together. Then it was another long wait until the food arrived, during which time the waiter came back again to tell my friend that the chicken pot pie was not being offered, so to pick another entree and it would be on the house. Then we wait some more. The waiter comes by again and offers us free champagne. I should mention there were only two people in this place. Maybe room service was going crazy?

The food was ok, but not really worth the price. Luckily, one of my friends had a 50% off coupon - the whole reason we were there to begin with. Dessert was excellent though, a cookies and milk plate with 5 kinds of cookie - baked fresh and still gooey - and bourbon milk that was a little bit sweet.

Overall impressions: Daffodil is too expensive to be a "cheap" place to eat, and the food is not good enough to be a "nice" place to eat. The benefits include a very courteous and friendly staff, nice ambiance, and excellent cookies. However, the overall experience left me wanting, and would not have been worth it if we had paid full price (we did tip the waiter on the full-price bill though, as he did his best to make the evening more enjoyable). In the end, I will probably not return.

After Daffodil, I took my friends to Level III for a peach and absinthe dessert drink. :)

When I was young, I knew nothing.
Knowing nothing, I was very agitated.

I studied and learned many things.  Each thing I learned revealed many more things beyond my knowledge.
In the midst of studying, I knew many things.

As I learned more, I realized all knowledge leads to a single point.
At the end of studying, I knew only one thing.

Eventually, I will move beyond the limitations of knowledge; beyond those things that can be grasped and held in the mind.
Again, I will know nothing.
Knowing nothing, I will be content.

Although I come full circle and end up where I began, it is the journey that changes me.
This is called the transformation of things.

Walking around Union Square this morning I saw a pimp strong-arming a girl. I watched long enough to know that's what it was, then tried to intervene. The guy was latino, pretended not to speak english but I know he understood me when I said I would call the police. He just kept walking... even when I put a hand on his shoulder to stop him, he didn't turn around or get confrontational, just kept walking. The real giveaway is that at the mention of the police, the girl stopped resisting too, and just went with him holding hands. She would not have said anything, even if the police could have gotten there in time.

I talked to a gentleman who had also seen the whole thing, and another bystander followed the couple... I don't know what came of that, if he did call the police or what. I felt sick afterwards. Partly just to see that side of humanity up close, and partly because I couldn't do much of anything. Even if I'd had more time to think, my options were severely limited. I wonder if I feel worse now than if I had done nothing... I don't know.

Just a few updates on my life.

New Furniture! I bought an antique oak vanity/dresser from a guy who lives in this very building. This makes me happy because it fits perfectly in the spot I had for it, between the couch and the kitchen island. It gives me room to finally organize my incense, candles, and oil lamp supplies. It also gives me much more room for the use of all the above.
The new vanity replaces a much-too-small end table and the cheap hanging mirror I previously had in that spot.

More new furniture. I got rid of the large, fuzzy, blue shag carpet that had been infesting my abode. Actually, I liked the carpet, but it was a pain to clean. It also spawned blue fuzzies everywhere, so it was a pain to keep the rest of my place clean. And Spooky did not like it. I replaced it with a very nice Persian rug, blue and white pattern in silk and wool. I paid too much for it (even at 70% off), but I really love this rug. My house is starting to feel more like a temple, and I am happy with this direction.

Writing. Been finally writing in the lovely leather-bound journal I got, specifically so that I would want to write in it. And using the ink and pen nibs I got for the same reasons. I am up to about 40 pages, so far, but not all of them are full. And no, you do not get to know what's in it. It just feels good to actually be inspired to use it. The journal came from this place, it is the "Traditional Full Bound Hardcover" variety in the middle of the page, except that mine is black and has no design on the cover.

More writing. Bought some new pen nibs from Paper & Ink Arts at spiral_fire's suggestion. Used them to write spiral_fire a letter two nights ago. I am happy with them!
I am also behind on letter writing. Fear not! If I have your address, and you have not yet received a nice letter on fancy stationery from me, you shall!

Job. Job contiues to be a source of frustration, but also a source of income. The commute I do 3 or 4 days a week is leaving me little time or energy for other things. I have been a bit more reclusive than I even want to be, lately.

Moving and Parking. My lease was up on the first of July, so I am now on a month-to-month contract with the caveat that I must give the owner two months notice before I move out (same goes if he wants to move me out). I plan to save some money, pay off credit cards, and maybe move to a larger place early next year. On the saving money front, I did not renew the parking space I had leased for the previous year. Unfortunately, this means if any of my friends want to visit me, you are on your own for parking. I appologize for the inconvenience, but the infrequent use did not justify the expense.

Tomorrow is 4th of July. I have a 3-day weekend as I am taking Monday off for a floating holiday. I have no plans. I do not want plans. I have had very little time to myself to do things I want to do for the past month, so this weekend I am not going anywhere nor doing anything that involves leaving the house. I am going to shut myself up in my apartment and thumb my nose at the world.

However, this still allows me to be online, so most of you will probably never notice anything different.

Unsurprisingly, I spend a lot of time thinking about God. This is in the context of the nature of reality and self, rather than religion. It's one of those things I have always thought about, since I was old enough to hold the thought in my mind. Would be funny if I could find some of my writings on the topic from 10-15 years ago, but that is not my point.

My point is, right now there are about three threads running in my head that involve the concept of God in some significant way. ONE of them is somewhat along the lines of this:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btX4VBr3n3g

Sadly, embedding is disabled for this video, so you have to click the link.

Also, you do not need to understand German to understand this song. The English lyrics are easily available, though ~_^

Update on mundane things for once. I am not moving this month. I am going month-to-month on my lease. Also, I am giving up the parking space. For those of you who have used it, I am sorry. The idea is I will save some money, get out of debt a little bit, and move into a nicer place sometime around January.

So anyway. As of July 1st, no more parking space at Cole's.

Had a surprise phone call from a friend Saturday night. I was very happy for it, but I think I dragged the poor girl into a longer and more metaphysical discussion than she may have been in the mood for at the time.

In any case, it answered a few questions but as usual raised many more. My brain can't leave it alone; I keep trying to figure out the puzzle even though I know I don't have all the pieces. My feelings about this are mixed. On the one hand, it's frustrating. On the other hand, if I do not have something esoteric to think about, my brain goes back to boring and lame topics like work, or all the things I am not doing. As nytemuse  put it, my brain has a squeaky toy.

At least the good news is I am thinking about this stuff mostly in the background now, allowing me to return to semi-functionality in my day-to-day staying alive operations.

Something happened at work today, just before I left, that must have poisoned me with much more negative energy than I realized at the time (i.e. no big explosions or anything). Here I am a couple hours later, after some rapid emotional cleansing and half a bottle of sake, and I feel much better. It nice when I don't have to carry things around for long. Sometimes, I really love being me.

Other times, I do not love it so much... but lately that has only been when I remember too far back. As of right now, the future is looking better than the past. That is how it should be.